read november 2003 read october 2003 read september 2003 read august 2003 september 24, 2004 well, the days are getting shorter - the sun is shiner brighter and although we're having quite the warm spell here, there is more often a nice chill in the air. i just love this time of year, the waning of the days and the dramatic sunsets, the reappearance of the pumpkin patches. funny to think about this time of year last year, how much we were anticipating zu's arrival. remembering little things, like how we'd sort of resigned ourself that she was actually a "he", or how excited we were to find out when her birthday was going to be. admittedly, it is hard not to compare how much brighter and richer the days are now that our bean has sprouted. as for zu - just yesterday had her very first bite of falafel. she regularly is eating tofu, bits of steamed spinach, peach slices, and the ubiquitous sourdough roll which we discovered will keep her occupied for many minutes - no small accomplishment! she is a true california baby, in that along with the sourdough, she loves avocados and figs. also - she's taken a few steps now, and is getting really good at 'hovering' with no hands. fred and i are nervous but oh so excited at her progress. we all went camping for the very first time together last weekend - to butano state park (photos coming soon). imagine the grin on my face as i stood her next to a redwood tree and watched her face look up... and up... and up... until she fell backwards on her butt. perfect. she loves trees and birds, more than anything and has also taken a liking to a teddy bear. she's amazing. in other news, some not so amazing... i just received word that i probably won't see my dear friend walker again. his terminal illness appears to be catching up with him and he's been visiting his sister in washington, not likely to return. although this may be yet another dip down before another miraculous bounce back, there are more and more indications it's not. he has been terminal since before zu was born and so we have often talked about facing birth and death simultaneously. until now, i guess it's been so abstract when i took him to the airport last week, he was in such a hurry to leave, i think he really wanted to get out of town, and i really didn't think that he might not come back. i doubt there will be the perfect "goodbye" i think i'd like to have with him - just weird to think that it may have already happened. in any case, it is an incredibly beautiful day and perfect for taking a walk and thinking about the complexities of it all. it's friday and fridays are so special now, because they herald the long stretch of family time that has become so precious to us. maybe i'll duck out early and pick up zu and poppa and see if my perfect family can make a perfect start to this amazing weekend by sticking our toes in the sand and saying a prayer for walker that when it is his time, he may ebb away with as much grace as the mighty pacific. august 20, 2004 very funny. i was thinking about writing here again and thought - nah, i just wrote the other day. now it is almost a month later and i am reminded of how quickly time goes. under special circumstances time drips away as an ice cube, melting right in your hand, imperceptably diminishing. the proof is in the occasional marking of size. i've got the reverse now, my little ice cube gets bigger before my eyes. so it goes. zu has been teething tremendously lately. Four days in the past two weeks where her typical sleeping time has been punctuated now by huge bouts of almost insomnia where no amount of cuddling, nursing, cajoling, rocking, playing or (as a last resort) bored-time in her crib can console her, and it is nearly 3a.m. before she slumbers off again. no top teeth have arrived yet but her top gums are pretty hard, and she's drooling up a storm. as for sleep, i write it down, just so that we can keep track. seems like for the past several months, we've settled into a pattern where she goes to bed between 7 & 8, sleeps for a few hours, then wakes up between 11 and 12 to nurse, goes back to sleep, and repeats that around 4am and 6:30. it sounds pretty intense to our friends who don't have kids, but compared to many of our peers, it's not a bad schedule. the next month looks like it will have some fun and some trauma to it as we travel to yosemite next week, to minneapolis for labor day, and then hopefully settle into a "between teething" bout where we can try to wean her at night. we'll see. fred's going to bear the brunt of that, so we'll need to get him good and rested. we're in a great place right now - she is poised on the verge of walking, and probably talking too, and we scramble to get rid of as much stuff as possible to make our eventual pervasive babyproofing job somewhat easier. haha. july 27, 2004 no day in particular, nothing special today. that is to say, there is nothing about today which makes it noteworthy to start writing again. but i realize how quickly the time has gone by and i feel compelled to start writing so that there is at least some record of her first year, besides a page full of scribbled "firsts" in my calendar book. zuzu is amazing. she is now eight and a half months old, and i am completely in love. the first few months were definitely crazy. i feel repercussions about the birth and the days immediately following with bittersweet remorse and wonder. i wonder how long it will be before i can think about those days with the joy they deserve. it feels like learning a new language, a new culture. these words i've put together my whole life - about watching time pass, about seeing marvelous things. there is no poetry rich enough to describe this process. it is bitter and sweet and ... big.